I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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