I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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