dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize