a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
