I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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