I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
