he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
