worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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