Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
