i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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