Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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