I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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