Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
