I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
