I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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