I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
