she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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