there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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