look no pants
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The uberlube is also flammable
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
