I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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