Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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