Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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