You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize