Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
