I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
