I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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