Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
