Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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