another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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