I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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