I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
