Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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