dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
