And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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