he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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