OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
