this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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