who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
