woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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