I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
