Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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