I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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