just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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