i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
