they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
wow bdsm is so cute
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
