I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
