Yo dont text me then not text me
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
