You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Do vagina's smell?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
