that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
