just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
