I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
