Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
