He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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