"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
