I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
