Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
