dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
