i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
