He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
