whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
