Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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