Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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