so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
