Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
