she woke up with a sticky ear
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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