What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
