I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how can u be prego again
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
