I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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