i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
