rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
