This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
