Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
