matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
