A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize