i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
